With The Light

When it comes to the manga "With the Light" written by Keiko Tobe, I could spend hours talking about every single minute detail of this series that I love. I keep trying to break it down to broad strokes and failing, I love the characters, I love the narrative, I love the educational aspects and the way it handles all these different topics and the fact that throughout the series, the thing that always comes through the loudest to me is a deep felt love of Autistic people and the Hope that one day the world as a whole will change to accept us as we are.

Hikaru isn’t the POV character, but this series never falls into the mistake of forgetting that he is a character. There’s no Symbolic Representation here (see Jessie Gender’s video on this topic for more on that); Hikaru isn’t just a walking DSM checklist of autistic traits – he is a full person with likes, dislikes, interests, friendships, and even with his autistic traits, they’re unique and specific to him instead of a broad attempt to make him carry the whole of the spectrum on his shoulders. (That’s one of many aspects where I think the choice of narrative really works for the series – having one family move through a variety of different schools, services, and organizations means that there’s ample opportunity to introduce a wide range of characters that can highlight different traits, behaviors, and points on the spectrum without it being overly pointed or confusing).

And the series is always sympathetic to his perspective; we never really get into Hikaru’s head, but the characters and the narrative still absolutely ooze an empathy for his experiences throughout the series. The characters often talk about not only the stress of having autistic children, but the stress of being an autistic child. They talk about sensory experiences as being overwhelming and painful, they identify the struggle to identify your surroundings as scary, discuss how frustrating it must feel to not be able to express yourself effectively. Sometimes it’s speculative – although they do also sometimes talk about having read things that actually autistic people have written about being autistic, but the core empathy is always present. Even when discussing something frustrating or dangerous (a mother talking about how her daughter sometimes tries to run into the street because she likes the white painted lines on the road), they still often take the time to consider and empathize with their children’s point of view (“If the whole world was confusing and overwhelming, then it must be a relief to find something to look at that always stays the same”).

and YEAH i love the way this series handles communication. Again, the narrative works in its favor on this topic, because Hikaru doesn’t have to be someone who uses a shit tonne of different communication methods; they found what works for him and stick with it, but can also talk to other parents/educators about all the options that exist out there. The series goes into depth about a lot of different methods of communication, all of which are celebrated and accepted - deliberate use of direct speech, more abstract use of verbal speech, PECs cards, AAC technology, written directives and lists people can point to, type to talk, nonverbal gestures, body language, etc.

But to me, the most important conversation about communication is a moment when Hikaru’s elementary school teacher Aoki is talking about another autistic student in his class. He is talking to the children’s mothers, and pulls up his sleeve to reveal an injury on his arm from where Miyu bit him – “Whenever I see this, I realize that I’m not communicating with Miyu-chan in a way she understands”. Not only is Miyu “Allowed” to bite without being punished, but the biting itself is not dismissed as an aberrant “bad behavior” that needs correction, but is correctly identified as a method of communication that the allistic adults around her need to listen to. Miyu cannot talk and she’s too little to read or write, she can only communicate her frustrations in the few, limited options available to her – until she’s able to learn how to express herself in more effective ways, it’s important for the people around her to pay attention and actively listen to the ways through which she can express herself – including in strange or “inconvenient” ways, such as biting.

And the very deliberate ways they teach Hikaru how to communicate is also Super fucking important. It’s really significant to me that the first things Sachiko wants to work with Hikaru on are 1.) How to express needs/wants and 2.) How to tell her “No”. For the series to correctly identify that the ability to tell someone “No” is not only a right, but an absolutely vital life skill is SO significant. Not only does Sachiko accept the idea that Hikaru will tell her no, she takes deliberate steps to teach him how to do so. The series goes into depth on how Sachiko (and Hikaru’s other caregivers/educators) help teach him how to correct them when they screw up, how to ask for things he needs and reject things he doesn’t, how to set his own boundaries and communicate his needs and dislikes – no matter what that communication looks like.

I love that the series and the characters’ main focus is never on getting Hikaru to “fit in” to society, but to figure out how to live a life that works for him, that allows him to be as independent as possible, no matter what other people think about how it looks for him. Another really important moment in the series for me is when Hikaru’s grandmother is saying that the progress he’s made since he was a small child isn’t good enough, and when she asks “What happens to children like him?” Sachiko is absolutely stalwart when she says “He’ll grow up, and become a young man with autism” and DUDE i love that so much. Not a single hint of the notion that he’ll either be infantilized forever or somehow grow out of his autism, it fully embraces the fact that he’ll be an autistic adult and remains adamant that that’s a good thing!!!

Again, I could talk about this forever. I love that the series always empathizes with Hikaru’s meltdowns and never just dismisses them as “tantrums”, and when other characters talk about meltdown prevention, it’s never in terms of “Well, we need to figure out how to force Hikaru to get used to X”, it’s always in terms of “I should have realized he was reaching a breaking point before things got that bad; we need to help Hikaru learn tools to calm down and make sure he knows how to establish boundaries and leave situations that aren’t good for him”. With the right adults, Hikaru is always able to leave an overwhelming situation and not return until he has decided he’s calm enough to try again - no one pushes him to recover faster than he’s ready to. I think there’s one scene in the entire series when two adults who don’t know what they’re doing try to restrain Hikaru during a meltdown, and every other time Hikaru reaches that point, the other characters make sure to give him ample space to calm down without overwhelming him further.

I love the ways this series handles ableism in all of its forms. It addresses ableism that comes from ignorance, from malice, and from places that are “well-meant” in really educational and helpful ways. I love love love the way the series normalizes disability when explaining it to children – there’s a few moments throughout the series where other kids mock Hikaru, but the adults handle it so wonderfully. The “Hikaru struggles to talk the same way you struggle to run a marathon” explanations do so much to make disability just a normal thing, instead of some awful secret that you’re never allowed to address directly. I think it’s really wonderful.

There’s still so much I’d love to talk about: I love how the author includes so many lovingly illustrated panels of Hikaru stimming, I love that his family is allowed to be frustrated without that frustration ever coming across in a way that demonizes Hikaru, I love the relationship that he has with his younger sister, I love all of the friendships that he’s made and maintained since he was a toddler, I love the “It takes a village” approach that really highlights the significance of having a good support system, and I love all the different people that come together to help teach Hikaru and make sure that his dignity and independence are always prioritized. I love the little details of Hikaru’s character like the way that he’s really good at identifying/taking care of plants, and his love of dolphins, and the way he repeats the things his friends say to him to hold onto the thoughts after they go home/back to class. I even love how some of the teachers that Hikaru has in school aren’t always great at their jobs (I actually think the Gunji-sensei arc is one of my favorites in the whole series), and I love all the side characters that the series introduces us to, and the care that the author has when educating readers about autism and all the different aids/accommodations that can make life easier and less frustrating/painful.

UGH I really do love this series so much, I’d happily keep talking about it and answering questions about it for forever! If my ramblings have encouraged anyone else to give the series a shot, I’ll leave you with this: the first two chapters are the hardest to get through because Sachiko and Hikaru are extremely isolated and Sachiko does not understand what Autism is yet – if you’re hesitant about it, you can skip to chapter three where things start to look up a little more sharply and start there instead, and please continue to read through the rest of the series. It’s truly one of my favorite autism medias of all time