I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY "I LOVE YOU"
I'm Not Supposed to Say "I Love You" was, up until recently, a fanfiction I was working on. I got about 10k words in when I realized that the characterization was so loose that I'd have a lot more fun making it about original characters instead, and so here we are.
I used to make a lot of OCs when I was younger -- even wrote full-blown novel length stories about some of them when I was in middle school -- but I haven't really done so in several years. I fell into publishing fanfiction when I was in high school and got most of my creative kicks that way, so this story is my first venture back there in a while. Still, I'm kind of having fun with it!
In particular, I've actually really liked using the webpage format as a way to get to know the characters and get a better sense of who they are. I'm an illustrator, but have pretty moderate aphantasia and so coming up with character visuals/aesthetics off the top of my head can be pretty difficult. Using the webpage as a kind of style guide has been fun -- selecting graphics like blinkies and stamps that fit their vibe/personalities, building color palettes and fonts to accentuate it all, and then being able to elaborate in text after that, it's been great!!
Anyway, I'm Not Supposed to Say "I Love You" doesn't have a particular plot arc mapped out yet. Instead, I would describe it primarily as a love letter to Cringey Autustic Losers in their Late-Twenties/Early-Thirties, written by a cringey autistic loser in its mid/late-twenties. You can find the narrative pieces at the bottom of this page, and please also take a look around at the different characters and get to know them! I hope you like them as much as I already do.
(This section and its pages are still definitely under construction!)
Chapters & Snippets
The collection of one-shots and snippets that make up this narrative! There's not a singular, progressive plot that threads this story together, so they can be read in whatever order you so desire! I currently have them organized on this site based off the order I wrote them in -- the oldest fics on top, the newer ones added to the bottom. However, if you'd like to see them organized along a vague in-universe chronological timeline, you can view the ArchiveofOurOwn page for this series instead!
Lazy and Lying on Your Belly: 4170 words
"You're warm," Augustus mumbles, half to herself, shuffling the rest of her body in closer to pin her arms down under the weight of her own chest, body pressed up against Changeling's side. It freezes, hands hovering uncertainly above her shoulders, unsure of what to do with itself. Usually, it would have shoved her off immediately. Usually, she would have asked before she touched it at all. She used to forget to do this frequently, but has not done so in a while. Do I hate this? Changeling wonders anxiously, and has no answer for itself.Oblivious, Augustus finishes curling her body around the Changeling's side and sniffs pathetically. Instead of asking for either forgiveness or permission for the breach in etiquette, she says, "Cover my eyes, man — your lamp is too bright."
sit in the car and i listen to static: 2067 words
"My mother was called in for an emergency shift," it explains tightly. "So she could not drive me at the correct time. She informed me I would simply have to wait inside the store until my scheduled shift arrived.""Oh, gross, don't do that," Augustus supplies immediately, and then forces herself to course-correct, head twitching to the side. "Or, I mean, you could, like it is allowed, but you don't have to. My lunch break just started, so you can just sit with me instead."
The Changeling turns its head just enough to stare at her from the corners of its eyes. "Obviously," it says, and its tone broadcasts the implicit 'Idiot' so clearly that even Augustus can hear it. The whole thing makes her feel unbearably fond.
glance across the garden air: 3658 words
Augustus looks up from her sketchbook to smile across the yard at it, eyes blinking hard. The Changeling distracts itself from the way the tic and expression both push the skin around her eyes into soft little folds and creases by staring at the way the sun cuts a halo against the broad silhouette of her shoulders instead. Eventually, it glances away altogether — even with sunglasses on, it is too bright to withstand gazing directly at her for long."Now who's got a lot to say?" Augustus asks, poking her tongue out from between her teeth, and Changeling turns to busy itself with the bleach again, scowling.
every day i take a minute of your time: 3226 words
It is bad already, but she knows from experience that it will continue to get worse. The goalpost is shifting further back every time Augustus gets close to fulfilling the insistent need to move. Her head snaps back hard enough to ache a little, muscles in her neck yanking sharp against nothing at all, leaving her a little dizzy. Her breath catches uncomfortably in her sinuses.A distressed noise catches high up in the back of Augustus' throat. She is having a truly terrible time.
"Okay," comes Changeling's voice finally, its tone as flat as always. "I suppose I will watch the register, then."