Ghost

29 | She/Her

Ghost works in a finance office of a local college; mostly handles a lot of expenses and data entry. Kind of hates her job, generally speaking, but considers it mostly better than any alternatives. They don't require her to adhere to a strict dress cose, and she has frequent spare time during the day she can sneakily spend on reading and writing, so it could be worse. Still actively resents when someone forces her to make a phone call and finds it frustrating that her coworkers' desks are fairly close to her own. Still, at least it means she has health insurance.

She is an avid poet and can almost always be found with a notebook somewhere on her person so that she always has somewhere to write something down if she needs to. While she occasionally attends local poetry workshops and readings, she tends to be a silent participator -- preferring to work in the corner by herself than get involved in conversation. If she does feel like sharing her work in order to get feedback, she usually has to ask someone else to read for her due to an intense fear of public speaking. The majority of her work is not shared at all, however -- Ghost would prefer to gain an audience only posthumously.

Instead, most of her work is curated and hand bound into books. Ghost is very adept at home printing and bookbinding, and "self-publishes" very ornate copies of her poetry collections in these books, usually going all out for them (leather binding, hand painted edges, ornate vinyl cover printing, specialized typography, etc.). Most of the books are stored safely in her apartment, but she does occasionally donate them to thrift stores to garner a future audience. During periods when the poetry writing is coming a little slower, she'll usually continue her binding hobby by restoring books she picks up from donation piles or thrift stores, which she will either keep or redonate.

Ghost is also a fan of horror as a genre. Very fond of gothic horror novels, and tends to prefer old black and white films and TV, such as Vincent Price and the original Twilight Zone. Loves twisted romances, the creeping sense of unease and dread, and the weight of tragedies (but can only handle body horror in text form -- usually has to keep her eyes covered during movie nights with Lenore and Quinn). However, since she is an earnest believer in ghosts/spirits, in a somber, grounded sort of way, she tends to dislike the "spectacle" or possession/poltergeist films. Some of her favorite movies are: Night of the Living Dead, Donnie Darko, Nosferatu (1922), and Us.

Ghost is almost painfully shy and socially anxious, although her tendency towards blunt speech and flat affectation leads people to read her as more "stand-offish" than she actually is. She struggles immensely with maintaining a conversation, and worse with initiating one on her own, and often finds the effort of speaking at all somewhat exhausting. Often finds herself restricted to speaking with terse, stilted sentences, which she finds frustrating -- especially since she is able to speak more eloquently when given time to process and prepare her sentences, which takes her longer than most people are primed to wait. While Ghost doesn't really use the label "selectively mute", it wouldn't exactly be Inaccurate.

While not professionally diagnosed, Ghost is aware that she is autistic, and often finds it frustrating to live with. While she does often get frustrated with other people's perceptions and biases, she does tend to consider her difficulty in social settings "her fault" and often is left wishing she was "normal", since she lacks the ability to navigate the issue on her own. Ghost does not necessarily Enjoy spending most of her time alone, but is prone to self-isolating because her intense frustration in social settings makes it preferable to avoid them than try and fail to navigate them. Often only feels genuinely comfortable speaking to her family, and her friend Lenore; most other social encounters can only be Endured.

The fact that she is quite prone to sensory overload tends to exacerbate this problem. Ghost is particularly sensitive to ambient indoor noises -- lights buzzing, AC vents, computers humming, etc. -- which makes it difficult to focus indoors, where the majority of social interactions/gatherings tend to take place. Is definitely more comfortable outdoors, which makes it easier to hear people and talk in complete sentences back to them, but even outside of work most social events take place indoors. Most days, Ghost leaves work to go straight to her favorite public park and cemetery in order to sit and unwind away from abrasive noise. Tends to dissociate / shut down when overloaded, leading to persistent and extreme fatigue.

Despite her discomfort around other people, Ghost takes her participation in the goth subculture seriously, and never attempts to "dress down" in order to escape attention. This is largely twofold: on one hand, people tend to Expect a certain level of off-putting or alienating mannerisms from trad goths, so she can sometimes blend a little better with it, and on the other, it gives people who are willing to try speaking to her a topic to bring up that Ghost can almost always successfully talk about. She'll never be a social butterfly, but her fashion sense does occasionally give her the opportunity to be a metaphorical flower. That said, she does sometimes feel an alienation even in specific gothic circles dur to its tendency to be a little overwhelmingly white, but she'll take what she can get. She listens to a lot of traditional goth music (Siousxie and the Banshees, Bauhaus, Militia Vox, Mirel Wagner, etc.) and gets most of her clothes from thrift stores (overdyeing things black when necessary). For the most part, she keeps her hair loose and/or sculpted, rather than in protective styles, since she often lacks the energy needed for braids/locs and doesn't prefer to be touched in order to have them done professionally.

Ghost often puts in a lot of concentrated effort to mask, but is not necessarily "good" at doing so. While she is often able to minimize her stimming behaviors into subtle or "Acceptable" movements, and is able to somewhat disguise the sheer amount of effort it takes her to do things, she can never quite "fit in", even when she's trying. Her tendency towards a a flat affect does cover the amount of anxiety she feels, but also makes her use of facial expressions come off as strangely exaggerated, and the fact that people can't read her anxiety means they often interpret her as uninterested. While Ghost's manager does suspect that she's on the spectrum and tries to be accommodating, most of her coworkers just consider her antisocial. Ghost finds it largely disheartening, but is afraid that self-identifying as autistic publicly would only make their discomfort worse, and considers it Good Enough that no one is outright mean to her, nor does anyone consider her Outright Rude.

She used to make a more concentrated effort to be Involved with other people when she was younger, but since most of her attempts were unsuccessful or outright rebuffed, she's largely given up. Unless she is already particularly overwhelmed or exhausted, she will make an effort to participate in any conversation she's invited in on, and makes a concentrated effort to project "active listening" even when she cannot think of anything to say. Does not tend to stammer, but speaks very deliberately and slowly in a way that often comes across as "terse".

Ghost is very close to her family and their relationship is positive. Her parents were very supportive of her throughout the process of her coming out and transition when she was growing up, and do their best to offer advice and support with her social struggles. Ghost lived with them throughout college, and although she moved out after she graduated, she still visits them often since she did not move out of the general area. Her mom was an active and avid advocate for her growing up, and still calls her frequently to chat and check in, so they feel just a Little bit closer. Her dad is adamant that Ghost should feel comfortable being herself regardless of what other people say, and takes her car to get cleaned and its tank filled every time she visits. They understand her passion for the gothic style a little less, but they do their best to be supportive (even though that looks a little more like "recurrent gifting of Halloween-themed socks" than anything else LOL).

She met Lenore while having a particularly bad day at work and found her easy-going demeanor and attitude immediately enviable. Ghost like Lenore's strangeness and her tendency to ramble, since it gives her more time to decide what to say and/or the option to say almost nothing at all if she is not up to it, and thinks that the way Lenore perceives the world is fascinating. Doesn't really believe in the same things Lenore does, but almost always finds her perspective compelling and a little inspiring. The fact that Lenore is so obliviously non-masking makes Ghost feel like she's able to fully relax with her, in a weird kind of "I can't be the strangest person in the room with her around" reassurance that lets Ghost take a full breath in a way she often can't with anyone else. Lenore might have "fallen first", but Ghost "fell harder".

Quinn and Ghost aren't quite as close as they are to Lenore, but they are friends and do enjoy each other's company for the most part. Ghost does find Quinn a little intimidating -- she can be brash and abrasive in ways that Ghost doesn't always know how to respond to, but she also finds that kind of open aggravation a little admirable as well. They share an interest in the literary, and Ghost will occasionally share bits of her work with Quinn when she wants more in-depth feedback (Lenore is a bit too much of a "yes-man" for good constructive criticism). Quinn alost often attempts to goad Ghost into taking some initiation with self-advocacy, trying to get her to stand up for herself more, with mixed results. They are each more "Lenore's Friend" than each other's, but they are making their way to a deeper friendship of their own as well!