As the Easter Bunny bellies along the top.

FROM THE PORSCHE

Colonel Oats, now driving, yells, veins bulging:

OATS
Get in there you damned
floppy-eared, candy-toting demon!!

And -

THE EASTER BUNNY

Suddenly drives his long, yellow teeth right into the roof of the van.

INSIDE

The Figures cower as those same teeth suddenly appear right next to Ted's terrified head.

Bill looks over at Ted, who grips the wheel, frozen in horror.

BILL
Hit the gas, Ted!  Hit the gas!

THE EASTER BUNNY

Suddenly lurches backwards and slides off the back of the van as -

INSIDE

Ted floors it.

BILL
Good work!

TED
Did we lose him?

BILL
(looking back)
I think so.

But Bill is wrong, for -

UNDERNEATH THE SPEEDING VAN

Hanging onto the chassis, riding only inches above the rushing highway, clambering forward like Indiana Jones . . . is the Easter Bunny.

INT. VAN - SAME

Ted, breathing a bit easier, looks over at Bill.

TED
Good suggestion, du -

Suddenly Ted's eyes widen as -

THE EASTER BUNNY

Pops up right in front of him, blocking the windshield with its horrible, glaring rabbity mug.

THE EASTER BUNNY
(a muffled, demonic growl)
You stole Deacon's Easter basket!!

Ted screams. Bill, looking out the side window, gets an idea:

BILL

Hit the brakes, dude! Hit the brakes now!

And suddenly -

THE EASTER BUNNY

Is thrown forward, off the front of the skidding van.

EXT. HIGHWAY

Behind the van, the Porsche swerves to one side, missing the rapidly slowing van and ending up sliding to a halt about 50 feet up the road.

Inside, Colonel Oats peers over the wheel, looking over the steaming hood at the Easter Bunny, who is just now standing up and shaking himself off.

OATS
Get back over there you damned
fuzzy-whiskered hippety-hoppin' sack of shit!!

INSIDE THE VAN

Ted stares at the Easter Bunny, who begins stalking toward them.

TED
Now what?

But Bill isn't paying attention to Ted; rather, he's looking out the side window.

BILL
Ted . . . I know what you gotta do.

He taps Ted on the shoulder.  Ted follows Bill's gaze toward:

THE PAY PHONE

Which is inside the REST AREA just off to their right.

BACK TO SHOT

Ted nods, and opens the van door.

EXT. STREET

Ted dashes to the phone and drops in a quarter, rapidly dialing as the Easter Bunny stalks calmly toward him.

TED
(into phone)
C'mon . . . c'mon . . .

As the Easter Bunny's encroaching shadow begins to climb Ted's body,  Ted finally gets a connection and blurts:

TED
Hello, Deacon, it's Ted.  Okay, listen to me!
Ten years ago, at Nana and Pop-pop's house,
I totally stole your Easter Basket and ate all
your candy . . . Yes, me.  I did it.  I did it, and I'm sorry.

The Easter Bunny stops directly in front of Ted, and stands there for a moment, paws on his hips.

Then, with a sudden mechanical whir and a FLASH OF LIGHT, he DISAPPEARS.

Ted sighs a huge breath of relief, and moves OUT OF FRAME.

INT. PORSCHE

Colonel Oats shakes his head, furious.

OATS
Damned useless furry maggot.  I'm
gonna have to do it my damned self.

And he pushes open his door.

INSIDE THE VAN

As Ted re-enters, he joins Bill and the others in looking out the front windshield at -

COLONEL OATS

who is now coming towards them, scowling horribly, hands on gun holsters.

INT. VAN

Bill and Ted look at each other.

TED
How're we gonna get rid of him?

Bill considers, then -

BILL
Dude. There is only one way to get rid of a
guy like this.  We gotta kill him with kindness.

Ted nods and we CUT TO:

TRACKING SHOT - FROM BEHIND COLONEL OATS

As Oats reaches the rear doors to the van and throws them open.

HIS FACE

Registers sudden surprise.  For -

INSIDE THE VAN

Bill and Ted have quickly organized the Figures into a pleasant little "tea party," replete with snacks, drinks, and light conversation.

The guys look over at Colonel Oats and smile warmly.

TED
Colonel Oats, what a surprise.
Come in, dude.

BILL
(nods)
Join us for our tea party.
(extending a plate)
Honey Bun?  Twinkie?  Slim Jim?

Joe Louis hands Oats a styrofoam cup.  Moses pours some coffee into it.  Oats stares at them, jaw quivering, and we do a quick DISSOLVE TO:

INT. VAN - A MOMENT LATER

Colonel Oats, now sitting cross-legged between Betsy Ross and The Grim Reaper, Honey Bun crumbs on his chin, shakes his head.

OATS
. . . You see, when I was a teenager, my father
used to spank me with an ammo clip.
He . . . he frightened me.
(teary; voice shaking)
I now realize that that's what I've been doing for
these past twenty years - - terrorizing young people.

Beat.  Betsy Ross strokes his hair.  Sitting Bill pats him on the shoulder.

TED
That's an important epiphany, Colonel Oats.

BILL
(nods, looks at his watch)
Catch you later.

And sure enough, in a FLASH, Colonel Oats disappears, grabbing another Honey Bun as he goes.

BILL
We better hurry.

Ted nods, the rear doors of the van are slammed shut, the van takes off and we CUT TO:

EXT. AMPITHEATRE - NIGHT

A MARQUEE reads "TONIGHT . . . RYAN WORDROE PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS THE SAN DIMAS GRAND JAM!" At the bottom of the list of bands is Wyld Stallyns, "misspelled" as Wild Stallions.

We HEAR a HEAVY METAL SONG come to an end and we CUT:

INSIDE THE AMPITHEATRE

Where the relatively large CROWD applauds mildly as:

ON STAGE

A HEAVY METAL BAND bows off and Ryan Wardroe crosses to the microphone.

WARDROE
From Pomona, that was Rateatter.

Near the front of the crowd, the JUDGES mark their ballots as:

WARDROE
(continues)
Next up, our fifth band of the night.
From Claremont . . . Velvet Bohemians.

A half-dozen long-haired silk-wearers slink onstage and begin to play a spacy song.

IN THE WINGS

Evil Bill and Ted push past, carrying a trunk.  Evil Ted glances at his watch, smiles.

EVIL TED
Those two loser human us's
should be history by now.

EVIL BILL
Stellar.
(then, pointing)
Rafters are up there.

They begin dragging the trunk behind a flat and up some STAIRS.

EVIL TED
This'll make a most auspicious finale.

As they mount the stairs, we SEE a bit of Joanna's dress sticking out the back of the trunk, and we CUT TO:

EXT. BUILDERS' EMPORIUM - NIGHT

The Van screeches to a halt in the parking lot and Bill and Ted jump out, followed by, in order, Leonardo Da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Moses, Betsy Ross, Sitting Bull, Joe Louis and The Grim Reaper.

As they all hurry toward the doors:

TED
Okay, does everybody
know what they're getting?

General assent, and as they reach the automatic opening doors -

BILL
Go!

- - they pour inside.

INT. BUILDERS' EMPORIUM

Leonardo Da Vinci, making a final check on his list, grabs several cans of paint and, along with his towering armful of brushes, rollers, and a smock, walks TOWARD CAMERA, and dumps all his stuff into:

A SHOPPING CART

Which is being pushed down the central aisle by the Grim Reaper.  We now TRACK WITH THE REAPER as he passes each side aisle, whereupon each respective Figure dumps his or her goods into the cart:

- - Betsy Ross unloads an armful of fabrics.

- - Albert Einstein tosses in some circuitry and wires.

- - Sitting Bull and Moses dump some wood and a dozen balls of twine.

- - Joe Louis piles some leather and some padding.

And the Grim Reaper turns the over-loaded cart toward the cashier, barely able to push it.

AT THE CASH REGISTER - SECONDS LATER

Bill and Ted's mouths drop open as the cashier rings up the total - - $412.00.

BILL
How much?

TED
(swallows)
We are in most dire trouble, dude.

CAPTAIN LOGAN'S VOICE
Ted!?

The guys turn and see:

CAPTAIN LOGAN

Entering the store and running toward them, Missy trailing behind him.

CAPTAIN LOGAN
You two are in serious trouble!

THE GUYS'

Mouths drop open even further.

TED
Oh, no.  It's my dad.
(then)
Dad, we can explain - -

CAPTAIN LOGAN
(arriving, out of breath)
There's no time, Ted.  We've got to get
you to that concert and get rid of those
. . . evil robot you's.

Bill and Ted look at each other, thrilled.

BILL/TED
Excellent!

And as Logan flips down a CREDIT CARD, then, with Missy, starts grabbing bags, followed by the Historical Figures and Bill and Ted, we CUT TO:

INT. AMPITHEATRE - SAME

The CROWD is mildly interested in the:

TWO PSEUDO-MARXIST TECHNO-WAVERS

One tall and blondish, the other shorter and with curly hair, each wearing tiny spectacles and jet black clothing, who are at their microphones, proclaiming in a staccato rhythm:

WILLMAN/PATRICK
"WE ARE CITIZENS OF THIS, OUR LIFE,
MANNING THE BARRICADES OF THIS,
OUR FUTURE."

And they launch into a strange, syncopated instrumental.

AT THE SIDE OF THE STAGE

Evil Bill and Ted, coming down from the stairs with the NOW-EMPTY trunk, look at Willman and Patrick and shake their heads.

EVIL TED
Dude.  We may be totally evil, but
these guys are totally pretentious.

EVIL BILL
(nods)
After the show, let's put ‘em to sleep.

They grab their guitars as Wardroe approaches, exhausted from the long night.

WARDROE
You guys ready?  You're on next.

Evil Bill and Ted nod, smile.

WARDROE
(looking around)
Where's the girls?

EVIL BILL
They're hanging from the rafters.

EVIL TED
Yah.  We're gonna kill ‘em at the finale.

Wardroe nods vaguely.

WARDROE
Good luck, guys.  Don't
embarrass yourselves.

As he walks away, Evil Bill and Ted look up toward - -

THE RAFTERS

where we SEE the Princesses, dangling from ropes, gagged.

BACK ON THE SIDE OF THE STAGE

Evil Bill and Ted smile.

EVIL BILL
Sterling.

And we CUT TO:

EXT. SAN DIMAS STREET - NIGHT

The police car tears past, siren wailing, followed closely by the van.

INT. VAN

Bill drives, wood, fabric and metal jutting into the front from - -

THE BACK

Where Ted supervises the rush preparation:

Einstein is rigging up an elaborate system of wires and circuitry.  Sitting Bull is carving wood.  Betsy Ross is cutting fabric, per Leonardo's drawing of what looks like a horse.

TED
(to Betsy Ross)
Okay, we gotta get the brown fabric
draped over it.  And then, on top, for the shirt - -
(turning)
Joe Louis?  How much movement do we need?

Joe Louis looks up from the immense gloves he is putting together, does a couple of quick moves, turns to Ted.

JOE LOUIS
I'd say about three or four feet each way.

BETSY ROSS
(nods)
How much room for the logo?

Ted turns to Leonardo Da Vinci, who shows Ted a couple of different LOGO mock-ups.  Ted studies the designs for a second and then hands them back to Leonardo.

TED
The second one.

Leonardo nods and extends the design to Betsy Ross as - -

EXT. STREET

- - The cars screech around a corner, shooting toward the amphitheatre.

INT. POLICE CAR

Logan drives furiously, with Missy next to him in the passenger seat.  With no room for him in the van, the Grim Reaper sits alone in the back seat of the police car.

After a beat, Missy turns to him.

MISSY
So . . . Ted said your name was . . . Slim?

GRIM REAPER
Grim.  Grim.

MISSY
Hmn.  What kind of name is that?

The Grim Reaper yanks off his hood, revealing his gaunt, boney head.

GRIM REAPER
I'm Death, dammit!

The police car takes a dip and the Grim Reaper bounces up, hitting his head on the ceiling.  He sinks down into the seat, utterly humiliated, as - -

EXT. AMPITHEATRE

- - The police car shoots over a curb and into the parking lot.

THE VAN

Follows.  As it screeches to a stop, Bill jumps out and yanks the ANTENNA off the roof, then runs over to the side door and pulls it open.

BILL
(tossing the antenna)
Here you go, Sitting Bull.
(then, to the others)
You can do the final assembly right here
in the parking lot.  Me and Ted'll fight ‘em
as long as we can.

Ted slides out through the back

TED
(to Joe Louis)
So then I shouldn't lead with my head?

JOE LOUIS
Definitely not.

Captain Logan and Missy rush up.

BILL
(to C.L. and Missy)
You guys help out here.  We're going in.
(to Ted)
Ready?

TED
Let's go.

They turn and rush past the Grim Reaper, who, rubbing his head, looks at them, forlorn, utterly whipped.

GRIM REAPER
What about me?

Bill and Ted stop, look at each other, nod.

BILL
Come with us, Grim Reaper.
You can help us stall for time.

They HEAR tepid APPLAUSE from inside and begin running toward the theatre, where:

INSIDE

As Wardroe predicted earlier, the crowd is beginning to disperse.  The judges squirm and yawn.

ON STAGE

As the Willman-Patrick Axion comes off, disappointed, Wardroe takes the mic.

WARDROE
Okay, you've been a remarkably patient crowd.
That was the Willman-Patrick Axiom.  Next up,
our last band of the evening . . .
(his last card)
From San Dimas . . .

Continue . . .